If both the parents your friend described worked part-time, I’d be very happy to hear about them. If the father stayed home, I’d be happy as well. If both parents or a parent worked from home full-time, I’d be quite contented also.

“Whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea” (Jesus).

Well, I have a lot of thoughts on your larger topic: what women should do with their lives — but I won’t put them here. Thank you for letting us read your thoughts!

Little side note: I am not opposed to the “traditional” model that it seems I am playing devil’s advocate against. (I am pleased that my dear friend, you Aleatha, was willing to develop/discuss/defend these ideas.) My mother, too, stayed home once her children were born. I do, however, like to hear that people are doing it for the right reason. That sounds harsh, but people aren’t always given the option or feel like they have one.

I think you will make a thoughtful and caring mother and for that I applaud you

I would also like to point out though that the result of good parenting and equal partnering is not good children. I feel that this is one of the major points that is often missed. Often people seem to think that as long as the children of a union are successful providers and consumers themselves then their parents must have done a good job. In truth though, parents have little impact on how their children turn out. A child is a person with thoughts, feelings, and ideas of his/her own. He/she will develop and discover that his/her parents are wrong about many things and determine to not make the same mistakes.

Do not get me wrong, I am not implicating that neglect is a viable option, but rather that many good parents have bad children, and many bad parents have good children. Parents have little influence on the outcome of their children. Rather good parenting makes for good, loving parents, and for children that love their parents and want to be with them. While the child will most likely disagree with his/her parents on many things, he/she will most likely still respect and love his/her parents. Likewise the loving parent may not agree with the choices of the child, but will continue to provide love and support. That is what successful families are about. Or at least that is closer to the mark than having your children grow up to be successful businessmen/women.

First, that we (meaning society) tend to think that traditionally women being in the home is limiting them. Nowadays it certainly can feel so (although I don’t think it is), but if you look back even more than fifty years, you really needed someone full time in the home. Meals weren’t very quick to cook, and you needed three of them every day. Laundry had to be done, and you didn’t have fast washers or dryers. Also, looking back even further, women did “work” – when I look at Ma Ingalls she’s one of the hardest working women I’ve ever heard about, but she didn’t work outside of the home. Nowadays with so many modern conveniences a lot of women look at the basic main task left, raising children, and feel like this isn’t enough to keep them going at home, or that this is too restrictive or boring, and yet ironically, this is the most important task of being at home that there is.

If you’re only living on one income, then you don’t have/don’t choose to have as many “time saving things” or fancy things, which actually usually takes care of what the extra income would buy. Not that I don’t think that people should have laundry machines, because of course I do. But that honest labour is good for people and children. That’s why one day I want to have a garden (when I have a place I can plant it). Not as much for what grows there, although that would be a bonus, but because of the good and honest work it will give me and my kids to do.

I find that I empathize most with women who choose to work purely because of interests and interior drives (most often university professors, I notice) instead of women who work for money for their family. I know that some families legitimately need two incomes (my Mom worked). And that in today’s world of supersized houses and cars and lifestyles it can feel impossible to survive on one. Like Aleatha, I think that when families and couples plan for only one income, and buy houses, cars and plan vacations with only one income in mind, it’s very possible to live on one income. And women who are working just for money tend to feel and act like life is rushing by them.

When women want to work for emotional reasons – because they love what they do, or they love to teach or something, I can understand that, because it’s not just working for stuff, it’s working for yourself. Not that balancing a family and working isn’t pretty hard, but I can understand what makes them choose to work then.

I know that there are lots of women who can’t imagine being a homemaker because they don’t like cleaning, or cooking, or homely arts, or whatever. Partly, I think sometimes we have too much of a stereotype of what kind of people make good homemakers. I think all women can be good homemakers, and that a lot of these skills are just that – taught and practiced skills that take time and work to learn.

I really should just write a post on this because I’m so opinionated about it.

Also, we tend to think that you either stay at home or work for forever, but life is a lot longer than that. I read a fascinating book called, “A Midwife’s Tale” a social history of a women who was a midwife between around 1790-1820. After her children were grown or teenagers she began midwifing (midwifering? Being a midwife?) and did that for about three decades. She had a complete second career, and I think that’s another possibility for women who would like to have a career but also would like to raise their children at home.

I myself plan to go and get a master’s degree once all of my kids are in school (I’ll be able to get it cheaply since Avram will be a professor), and then I’d like to work for Avram’s university in some capacity, so I’m involved in the academic world but not actually a professor.

Anyway, I’m mostly writing all this to say that I agree with you Aleatha, and these are my corresponding (and multitudinous) thoughts on the matter. The End.